Kyther: Think about videos game.


You have a particular predilection for the more ACTIVE forms of digital entertainment, and that predilection extends to a love of their leading characters. Hell yes, TECJED EDEUXS, the ABIOTICALLY-AUGMENTED AGENT bringing balance back to a crumbling Imperial outpost about to lose its access to ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY! Or what about THE DOOMSLAY, forced to contend by his lonesome against an eldritch force beyond comprehension? Or what about the GRIEVOUS GRENADER, a guy so BADASS that he gets TWO titles? Even the REBELMAN, a lowblood revolutionary whose entire game focuses around how liberating colonies from the Alternian Empire makes EVERYONE’S LIVES WORSE.

Okay, you don’t like that game. But you LOVE REBELMAN.

Honestly, it’s a bit of a fool’s errand to actually pay attention to the story in most video games. It’s all Imperial propaganda, at the base, which you feel STRICTLY NEUTRAL ABOUT. Honestly, it would be nice to have some variety, but landdwellers can’t be choosers, you guess. You do a lot more MALADAPTIVE NIGHTDREAMING about hanging out with the characters themselves, which writers often can write with minimal IMPERIAL OVERSIGHT. After all, even the Imperial propaganda machine knows that the PLOT is the ONLY RELEVANT THING IN A STORY.

Wow, thinking about ACTION HEROES is getting you all riled up. You do feel better, though.

Hold up.

Did you remember to put the nitronyamines in the cryogenic cooler?

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