Roll the introduction for this idiot.


Your name is KYTHER CHIMED, and you’ve barely slept a WINK in SWEEPS. You are a TEALBLOOD, measuring just about TEN SWEEPS of AGE. Metaphorically, your BLOOD is FULL OF FIRE. In a more material sense, it is MILDLY POLLUTED with BRISANCE POWDER.

You fancy yourself PASSABLE IN THE ART OF PYROTECHNICS. But it’s not really a hobby. It’s more of a NECESSARY MEANS OF SURVIVAL. Your HIGHLY DESTRUCTIVE BLASTBUG LUSUS tends to BURST INTO YOUR HIVE UNANNOUNCED, threatening to DESTROY all that you HOLD DEAR. As such, your relationship has been some kind of TWISTED ARMS-RACE. CONSTANT VIGILANCE has been THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU ALIVE. You are of the conviction that a DIVERSE REPERTOIRE OF TRAPS and TRICKS, ranging from ANNOYING to DEADLY, can make for a convincing argument against unwanted intrusion. Your belief in this is especially reinforced because your STATURE is unequipped for DIRECT COMBAT. You prefer to describe yourself as COMPACT.

Your HIGHLY ARMORED HIVE is riddled with SEALED HOLES and PATCHWORK, as well as a bevy of DETONATRAPS of your own design. You like to think that you have a GREAT OVERVIEW of all the FRONDCRUNCHERS, BEAMTRIP SPIKEGRENADES, and UNDERGROUND DETONATORS hidden in and outside your HIVE. Over time, you’ve come to terms with the fact that, largely thanks to YOU and your LUSUS, your subgrub contains ABOUT A KILOTON OF ORDNANCE. Making yourself comfortable with such a state of affairs is seen as instrumental to the development of a skilled MATHEBLASTICIAN, one of the few alternative career options available to a TEALBLOOD who shows no aptitude for the LEGISLACERATIVE ARTS.

When you manage to eventually find some downtime, you have a penchant for playing VIDEOS GAME, especially the ones full of EXPLOSIONS and VIOLENCE. You look up to a lot of the COOL, COCKY, TALL, and EXTREMELY WELL ARMED trolls these games tend to feature. God, you really wish you were as good at SNAPPY, BITING ONE-LINERS as trolls wearing big trenchcoats seem to just naturally be. Ugh, you haven’t even mastered their ZOOMER ROLLS yet.

You also enjoy DESIGNING and ASSEMBLING YOUR OWN VARYINGLY COMPLEX MACHINES, using SO MANY FIGURES and NOTATIONS. You are extraordinarily skilled in the ancient arts of ARITHMENACE, ALGEBREAKING, CALCULORDSHIP, GEOMETHRASHING, and STATISTICUTTING. You often worry about harming THE TROLL WHOSE LAWNRING MEETS YOURS from collateral damage of your lusus’s STRESSFUL ASSAULTS. But you have known this NEIGHBOR for MANY SWEEPS, and by now you are WELL ACCUSTOMED to each other’s DANGEROUS ANTICS. In fact, this bond goes deep enough that you have formed a SOLID, UNSHAKEABLE MOIRALLEGIANCE.

But enough about this other, mysterious, and likely relevant troll! This is YOUR introduction, after all.

Your trolltag is amateurArsonist, your pronouns are she/her, and you leave empty b[]mb casings aroun din y[]urt ext, and []ften fidn gy[]ursrelf typing t[][] fas tfor fyour []wn g[][]d. n[] tuime t[]spellcjeck when y iuc[]uld get bl[]en t[] bits anys ec[]nd.

What will you- wait, hold on.

Content warning

The following section includes mentions of parental abuse and drug use.

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